My grandmother, who lead the charge of our bi monthly family visits, who was, incidentally, already certified crazy, used this as an opportunity to crank her insanity to a volume of 11.
My late uncle Ken, who was sadly only in his mid thirties at the time, was placed at Bryn Mawr because he was afflicted with a particularly deadly and crippling form of MS. And no matter how much industrial grade ammonia and bleach they hosed the place down with every night, nothing could erase the smell of impending death. And everywhere, the old people shuffled down the hallways, yelling out, arguing, begging invisible friends for candy, demented, dragging dirty diapers, sometimes half naked, and nearly all of hem long abandoned by their families.
Color oops meme movie#
And Inside, it looked exactly like a horror movie hospital, and was tended to by nurses who looked like they spent their off hours assembling car parts. Hell, the name even LOOKS jank–could they really not afford to buy a few vowels? Apparently not. It was named after the broke-down Minneapolis neighborhood it was located in: Bryn Mawr. The nursing home wasn’t called Sunny Acres, Meadowlake Villa, or Convalescent Cove. Instead, it evoked the smell of the nursing home I was forced to visit every other weekend for two years when I was a kid, to visit my late uncle (rest in peace) who was institutionalized there. However, this grouping of chemicals did NOT make me happy or evoke pleasant fantasies of sucking on the nozzle of a gasoline pump in an industrial wasteland. I like gasoline, bleach, elmers glue, and soft scrub in particular. I won’t lie–I usually enjoy the smell of corrosive chemicals. Fortunately, the Walgreens by my house carried it! Yes! It promised to strip the brown from my hair and restore the old color. My color is true, and it comes from generations of bluish-white people doing what they do best: breeding with their siblings to stay warm.Ī quick google search for “how do I remove hair dye” led me to Color Oops Hair Dye Remover. Sure, there are blondes in the bay area, but most of them are fakers with bad roots. No longer did people look at me as an exotic inbred specimen from some snowy place. do you like it?” is another one)Īnyway, during my week as a brunette, I felt sadly invisible. My coworkers said it looked good on me, and “brought out my eyes” which is, of course, the default compliment people give when there are no nice things to say about an obvious cosmetic accident.
Color oops meme full#
However, it turned out I more closely resembled Carol Burnett, Circa 1974Īnd so, I lived one week as a full on brunette. Ever the optimist, I imagined the results would be like Winona Ryder from Reality Bites. The day before, I’d gotten a shorter, shaggier cut. After 5 minutes, I noticed my hair turning REALLY SUPER BROWN. The brown where the sea touches the sand, and the wheaties kiss the milk.Īll poetics aside, the processing time on the brown dye said 30 minutes, but my practical friend warned me to check periodically because my hair is so light it will literally drink up dye like it’s just fallen off the wagon.Ĭheck.
Just light brown! Caramel Latte extra foam brown. Understand, I wasn’t intending on going full browny brown.
I am saving up my money to get my first (and last) TATTOO, on my “tramp stamp” spot of this bumper sticker: (I’ve also decided that, when I die, I’ll have an open butt casket funeral where the only thing that’s exposed in my coffin is my withered glutes and this withered tattoo.Why would anyone go to Vegas? Vegas is an asshole.” ) I am planning my first ever trip to Vegas for my birthday (even though I have spent my whole life saying things like “I’ll never go to vegas.
I recently put a giant wall-size poster of a tiger in my bedroom.Being always youthful and sprightly, I never expected that I too would fall prey to a midlife crisis, of any kind. However, I suspect it may have something to do with the fact that I’m now 3 months shy of turning 40. I don’t know why I wanted to turn my golden locks brown, two weeks ago. I’m writing to you because, after 23 washings, my hair STILL smells like Color Oops Hair Dye Remover, which, as you may or may not know, is the exact smell of hospital room death.
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